I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
sex in a hospital.. check
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
