Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
