and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
