if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
