Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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