wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
