the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
