About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
