i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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