I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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