Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Liz is crying about burritos again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
