True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
