I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
