I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
