Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
