i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
