I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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