If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
