i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
