He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize