I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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