Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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