Hey man sorry I got all grabby
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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