My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
