Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
