I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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