She just used a chaser for red wine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
