It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
