dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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