I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize