Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
