If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
