When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
