Too much gin, very little bucket
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
