I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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