i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize