I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
