I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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