We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize