i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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