my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
