My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
