kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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