Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
