Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize