Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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