Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
