Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
