the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
