at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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