:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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