Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
