Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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