I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
