I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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