Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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