She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
