you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
