Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
