I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
