my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
