I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
