I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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