she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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