a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
