I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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