Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
