So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
