Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
