clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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