so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
