Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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