hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Still dying that you shit outside
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
