Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
