our cab driver is having phone sex.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
