in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have fence marks all over my body
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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