I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
