just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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