My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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